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I push my fingers into my eyes

Something that I've struggled with.

I'm originally from Blountstown, Florida. It is a really small town. I've educated myself and got the fuck out of there. I've come to prefer my time to be spent in more populated areas.

In Blountstown, most of the people are blue collar and they work their ass off for everything that they have. On the weekends all the good-ol-boys get together in their trucks and go mudding, drinking beer and camping on a sandbar, blaring good time country music. And it's actually a great fucking time. This really is my kind of fun.

Although these guys really know how to party, they're all a bunch of god fearing, homophobic, racist, far Right Wing, rednecks. Complete opposite of me.

In the city, there's not much mudding or camping or outdoors life to be had. But there is so much more to do, plenty of people that are a bit more like me. We work in offices, we're tolerant, agnostic or atheist or just not religious, very liberal politically. People that spend time inside, gaming, reading, etc.

What I struggle with is I'll want to go party in the woods, but I really I can't stand the people there because of how they are. So the result is that I spend my fun time, in the city, in doors, with my friends that are a bit more well-rounded. But every now and then, I get that itch to go party with the rednecks...

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I grew up in a VERY small town, got out and ended up back here again when my parents' health went downhill. I missed all the backwoods stuff, until I got back here... I love the outdoors its just the people, man. THE. PEOPLE.
"Just the people, man. THE. PEOPLE."

My point exactly. Of course you always miss the stuff that's going on...but those asshole rednecks...

Makes it difficult to be nice. I can be mean, I just really dislike it.
My town has come along way with that kind of stuff. Granted there are still some of those same rednecks you talk about but there are a good majority of us white trash folk who know how to party country style but are open minded, lol..

What you need to do is move to a medium sized city, I think there you will find the best of both worlds. Or I could be talking out of my ass who knows. lol
Actually, you're exactly right. That's exactly what I did.

Where I live now, Tallahassee, is a medium sized city.

But I've lived here for 10yrs now, so I'm about ready to move on to somewhere like Tampa.
Do you still have friends and family out there? What's wrong with an odd weekend back in Blountstown?!
I do still have family there. Actually, now, my "whole" family lives there.

My brothers, their kids, my Mom, my Dad.

So I do go back from time to time to visit them. My point is that when I do go back to see my family, to see those people that I went to high school with, I really feel like I don't belong.

It's a great time hanging with the guys I went to high school with. But I really hate them because of how they are. I feel like I don't belong there at all, that's the struggle.
Hmmmmm, that is a toughie. Maybe there are clubs or groups in the city you are in now that cater for that and go out into the woods near to you and hang out? Just an idea, if it exists, it sounds like a solution.